Book Author: Dr. Joseph Garcia
Page Count: 106
Content warning for the text of this review: Parent Illness
Tumors Hearing loss
Deaf culture appropriation in the mainstream
My History with Signs, Briefly Told:
My mom lost her hearing in phases over the 20-year span of her illness. She had brain tumors. Our house growing up had flash cards and Intro to American Sign Language books scattered around that she and my dad had collected to help us communicate in the moment, and also as an investment, knowing her hearing was only going to get worse. We'd hoped she would find community through visual language.
Because learning a language is hard, to be honest, many of those resources collected dust.
My parents figured out, after a night class and many re-watches of VHS tapes called Say It With Sign, the signs they considered foundational in our family culture (day, food, beautiful). Our family of five used our spattering of signs, clumsily, in tandem with good eye contact and clear, slow speech.
(Amazing discovery: Say It With Sign exists on the internet.)
I’m sharing this part of my history with ASL (or our makeshift interpretation of it) to disclose that I had some knowledge and practice using signs to communicate going into this book. I wasn’t and still am not an expert. I’ve had some exposure. Read to the end of this article for my notes on ability and appropriation.
Sign with Your Baby has an accompanying video, so it functions well as a reference to visit between video viewings. My copy from the library did not include the DVD so I won’t be able to comment on that, which makes this, appropriately, a book review only.
I’m glad that I read this book to:
Mentally register a catalog of signs specifically for use communicating with infants.
Garner an appreciation for the fact that the signs used to communicate with infants may not align with American Sign Language or other official sign languages. Baby sign "language" has no grammar or syntax. It is not a language. Visual languages like American Sign Language are developed, complex languages.
Understand it’s okay to follow the infant’s lead. Whatever version of a sign they produce, as long as you understand their meaning, is correct.
Write this article and, through research and engagement, learn some cultural complexities of which I had been unaware.
Signs I've used most regularly with infants include:
More. Quantity values may seem conceptually advanced to offer someone who’s been on the planet less than a year or two, but it’s actually great for early learners because “more” can also mean “some.” It works at the kitchen table and in the playspace. “More” can mean “I would like another bite,” or, “Please stack one more block on that tower.” It’s fabulous for establishing consent if used with hugs, lotion applications, how high they want their jacket zipper zipped up -- I try to get creative with it! Others that sign with babies may choose to keep it simple with one usage (feeding).
All done/Finished. More’s partner is less. “All done” functions as “less.” Similar to “more,” it functions also as a great consent word. In this case, it means, “no,” “stop,” or “don’t.” During feeding, it can mean, “I’m satisfied with my meal,” which is a lot to communicate just by flailing your arms. I’ve typically seen infants interpret it with a flail at first. It's very cute.
Milk. It’s easy to remember because it looks just like milking a cow. I like to sign “milk” with one hand with the bottle ready near me and then hold the bottle up to make the association.
Up. Adults often interrupt babies to pick them up and it must be very annoying to the babies. I love “up” for offering the child some warning that they’re about to be vertically relocated. As they learn to sign “up” for themselves, babies can ask to get a cuddle need met with “up” or for assistance to see or reach something up high.
This is also a helpful option for me as a short adult! I can silently point at things I want taller people to grab for me and suddenly possess those things.
5. Change. For this one you put one fist on top of the other and then switch their positions, so the one that was on the top moves to the bottom. I tend to make a hook shape with my pointer fingers while I do it but that’s not required. Babies will typically mimic it by putting their hands together and holding them up. With so many diaper changes per day, increased communication can do a lot to nourish your relationship with the child and ease transitions. It can also be a helpful metric for gauging baby’s bodily function awareness as they grow into a toddler.
You're Still a Good Parent if You Don't Use Baby Signs
It's entirely possible the benefits that have been studied regarding the use of signs with infants under one year of age had more to do with parent emphasis on communication than the value of the symbolic gestures themselves. Here's an article from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association overviewing baby signing research and controversy with references if you want to dig deeper.
If communication is your goal, signs are an option to choose from, and there are other options. For example, RIE: Resources for Infant Educarers is all about communicating respectfully with infants and I wrote about it here.
Notes on Ability and Appropriation
I don’t want to talk baby signs without addressing the debate about it. Choosing to sign with your baby necessarily comes with a commitment to supporting Deaf culture and honoring its history.
As the daughter of a parent who identified as hard of hearing, I encourage hearing baby sign practitioners to make a commitment to continue using signs throughout the child’s life. I cannot represent the Deaf community or the diversity found within it. The nuances of my opinions are subject to change as I explore and grow in my allyship, but my understanding currently is that if you’re going to use signs at all, be consistent. Stopping the use of signs when a baby can speak sends the message that speaking languages are more complex or advanced and therefore superior. That’s not true at all, and it’s a harmful message to promote.
Introduce children of all ages to Deaf culture and visual languages through books, videos, events, and whatever opportunities can be forged at each stage of their development.
I also want to acknowledge in reference to this book review that, as I understand it, Dr. Garcia is not deaf or hard of hearing, and that’s complicated. Here are some ASL resources created by Deaf, deaf, or hard of hearing individuals or groups:
I watch Jessica Kellgren-Fozard’s YouTube channel at least weekly because her videos are well-researched, well-produced, authentic, and just fun! As her About page describes, she’s "adding vintage lesbian fabulousness to a life with disabilities and chronic illnesses.” Her ASL tutorials playlist has 53 videos in it at the time I'm writing this, and she takes requests! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhADVL2AiGX_4qLaeWvrvDiFS0ixNOu-w
Gallaudet University - ASL Connect. Gallaudet has a powerful history I encourage you to explore alongside their free ASL learning materials. https://www.gallaudet.edu/asl-connect
Bill Vickars has a doctorate in Deaf Education / Deaf Studies and offers free resources for self-learning in addition to paid classes. My internet browsing revealed several forums of his students saying he’s the best. They seemed adamant. http://www.lifeprint.com
You may have noticed that the above list isn’t specific to parents. I was able to find several resources for kids, but I couldn’t confirm creator identities. Please send me your recommendations for Deaf-created resources that a parent wanting to introduce their child to American Sign Language could engage with. I’d love to explore and share them, and will be especially excited if they align with other body-positive ideals.
Happy communicating!
Updated: Jul 30, 2021
The Positive Discipline Association doesn’t define or address body positivity. As a HAES-aligned nanny, I chose to get certified to teach Positive Discipline to parents because PD materials include body positive ideals, such as:
No one can define health for anyone else. One of the main draws of Positive Discipline, for me, is that it encourages child participation in household decision making and invites parents and caregivers to look deeply at the motivations behind their child's behavior. It's not about forcing anyone to do something they don't want to do. We’ve all experienced that yucky feeling of receiving unsolicited guidance that put us on the defensive. Positive Discipline tools prioritize connection to help us guide children in alignment with their genuine needs.
Integration of mind and body. Positive Discipline encourages physical movement as a tool for moving stress through the body, specifically in the chapters about problem-solving skills, and fortunately not as the only option or a "have to" command -- child's body, child's choice. I believe the locus on movement should be on how it makes us feel, so I find this practice encouraging! PD is primarily a social-emotional learning platform, so mental health is held with care throughout. Mental health cannot be separated from physical health, and likewise must be included in any definition of body positivity.
Respectful mealtimes. There isn’t much content about child feeding in Positive Discipline literature. However, the main lesson PD teaches about mealtime success is to treat your child the way you would treat a dinner guest. I believe this to be a good foundation to build upon. As a PD facilitator with a special interest in preventing picky eating and supporting parents and caregivers to raise children to have a loving relationship with food and body, I find the "treat them like a dinner guest" idea serves as a non-offensive prompt to invite further anti-diet child feeding discussions.
Avoiding stigmatizing language. There are no mentions of weight or the “o” words (ob*sity, ov*rwe*ght) in the Positive Discipline books or their website content. I appreciate that PD treats children with respect regardless of body size to the extent that body size is never mentioned. There's no reason it should be! (Except when necessary to call out oppression, or as a celebration of diversity.)
Personal Autonomy. This connects to the point about no one being able to define health for anyone else. It's worth repeating. When I first discovered PD, I was working with a child who was often disinterested in the outings I planned. My bias was that it was "better" for this child to get out and do things and saw the child's desire to stay home to play video games as something to set a boundary around.
Cue power struggles. Adults will routinely need to set boundaries in a child’s best interest (or household's!), but in this case, I was missing a lot about “best interest”: a need to be seen and understood by me, a need for time to recharge from school and hardships, a need for social connection with local friends who played the game, a creative outlet -- in short, a need for agency over their own life, or at least agency over an afternoon now and again. I got parent permission to loosen up and stop making the child come out with me and the other children. (This was an older child, of course, and my outings were short and local.) Immediately there was a shift in our relationship. They knew I was on their side, and it became easier to plan days that supported all of our needs. By not forcing my version of fun and wellbeing on this child, I created space for them to join in authentically when they were ready. I believe Positive Discipline adds a lot of great tools to the Body Positive Parent's toolbox.
Areas for caution:
I have come across some harmful language moralizing foods in PD workshops I've attended and in the written materials -- usually as an analogy for something not related to food -- and will not be repeating them in my parent coaching work. (Ex. “Praise is like a sometimes treat. Genuine encouragement is like a wholesome meal.” I don’t condone “sometimes” foods. Food is food. We can find a safer analogy.)
Other facilitators are free to interpret Positive Discipline materials through a diet culture lens. It's a platform that's intentionally designed to support diverse family systems, and that's a good thing. Find a coach or workshop facilitator that shares your values.
Please contact me if I've missed anything in regards to stigmatizing language in Positive Discipline materials, or anything that ought to be addressed, and remember to sign up for my newsletter below to receive blogs posts like this one directly in your email inbox.
One of the unanticipated horrors of facilitating the in person schedule of children attending virtual elementary school is that I'm subjected to P.E.
I thought I was free from that nightmare forever. Maybe you're one of the few individuals for whom P.E. was fun. If that's the case, I'm happy for you that you had that privilege. (I suspect all of us have some figurative scars.) Let me tell you, for most of us the school days with P.E. on the schedule were our least favorite days of the week.
We anticipated a tense hour. Is a class about games and wellness supposed to leave us stressed?
Muscles in action need to be ready for a flex and release dynamic. Is it health-promoting to set folks up to be tense while moving? The years of repeated abuse left us with the lifetime task of overwriting harmful messaging about who we are and how our bodies exist in the world. And therapy ain't cheap!
As I consider how to advocate for my future kids to never set foot in (or turn a screen onto) a gym class, I am grateful at least that I have fast answers ready when things come up with other people's children in my care.
We can't prevent them from being exposed to diet culture or healthism. We can offer ideas that challenge their messages.
A child asked me, "Why did my P.E. teacher send a workout video for the day we don't have class and say if we don't do it we have to do 30 minutes of walking?" Unhelpful answer: You have to exercise for 30 minutes every day to be healthy. Creative answer: Your teacher wants to connect with you, so since you don't have class today, they sent a video of some ways of moving that they like so you can see if you like it too.
The part that's been triggering for me to witness is the "have to" of it all.
I agree that movement is important for wellbeing. I'm not anti-health.
If it's not fun, it's not about wellbeing. It's about authority. I'd like the exercises offered to be invitations, not requirements.
I would like to take the morality out of it. Your child isn't bad if they don't want to or can't do x amount of mountain climbers in any particular moment (or ever). Athletes can struggle in their training. Sure. That's a choice. Fun might not be the priority there. But we're talking about Elementary School students.
People have different needs and abilities.
Young people can be harmed by black and white rules about what's healthy. They can be harmed by the message that health is achieved through hard work.
That message ignores the impossibly long list of health determinants that have nothing to do with individual choice.
Either the child is moving 30 minutes or more per day already -- because that's what kids do naturally -- or they aren't, and turning movement into a set of external rules about what and how much is not a good starting place for bringing them into joyful movement for life.
Let them be little. Let them play. I joined the child in my care in a workout video sent by their gym teacher on their day off from gym class. We made it silly. We ignored parts we didn't want to do. We laughed.
When it was over, the child danced like a noodle to the Hamster Dance four times in a row and invented a kicking while laying down on the floor dance that we all agreed was hilarious.
The kids should teach the class.
Serious suggestion.